I feel so excited and blessed to bring you the third of lovely Rebecca Adam’s guest blog articles on the topic of love and relationship.
I see relationships as being all about respect, appreciation, and love (in that order). Together with ease and flow, alignment, great energy in each other’s company and both parties giving 100% each (not the typical 50/50 society has led us to believe).
I have a different take on relationships, having grown up being in a single-parent family and one father figure I had from the age of 4yrs – to 9yrs, was toxic, violent, and not good, shall we say. So, I’ve been raised by 2 powerhouse women (my Mum and Nan), who raised me in the knowing that respect comes before absolutely everything and that’s why it’s first on my list above, and always will be.
In love relationships, these qualities are most definitely needed as they are very powerful and will support the foundations of building that relationship. Everything is about to give and take but it’s also about being true to you, being a voice and being heard and knowing that any boundaries you may set, are respected.
I do believe you can fully give your heart to another person, but you do have to be a “whole” person and healed from any previous experience you may have had so that you can fully submerse into the new relationship you’re wanting to have.
I have been hurt and betrayed in the past, so to me, relationships are supposed to be easy – without the negative drama and BS. Yes, there may be things that come up that you must discuss but the relationship, as a whole, shouldn’t be strained and “hard” at all. This makes having fun in the relationship all the better.
The alignment and being on the same page as the other person is truly important too so that you can both grow and expand and encourage each other in life and business or work. Discussing each other’s upbringing and also the future would be great at the beginning, so you can respect each other’s upbringing and way of thinking, but you also need to be open to change and growth as both parties will change over the years of being together.
Communication is key to any relationship and also mindset, especially money mindset needs discussing so that both parties can uplevel their mindset on aspects that can make or break their relationship. Money is a big thing that a lot of people break up over and have arguments about so working on this is crucial for longevity.
For me, as an empath, introvert and Aquarius, I need my alone time in order to charge up and protect my energy so respecting space in a relationship would be a good thing too. I think a lot of couples have issues when they’re with each 24/7/365, (in each other’s pockets), and don’t allow themselves time-out to spend with friends, work colleagues and family without the other person.
You need to give each other space so that you have more things to talk about and also to add value to the relationship. When choosing someone you’re not choosing them for a day or a week – you’re choosing them to do life with and that’s a wonderful and great thing.
I would say – get to know yourself first, respect yourself and don’t lower your boundaries for anyone (and no, that doesn’t mean you’re high-maintenance), it means that there are certain standards you won’t go below and that’s a good thing.
Know that you are worthy, enough, and powerful all by yourself and you do NOT need another person to complete you.
Be you, no matter who you’re with and go out there and enjoy life. Make sure the person you’re with is your friend, smile, laugh, have fun, and make memories.
When couples are told that they need to communicate more they often think that it is an open invitation to talk but there is a complete difference between talking and communicating.
What Does healthy Communication look like?
Communication is the art of combining the ability to express your opinions and feelings in such a way as to ensure that the person or people you are talking to understand what you are trying to say with the ability to listen and understand the other person’s viewpoint.
Over the years it’s amazing the number of times people are provided with information that, if acted upon, could positively impact their relationship. But, because of the sheer lack of people’s ability to listen to and think through another person’s point of view, unique opportunities pass them by.
Relationships are no different to the work environment other than there are, usually, just two of you. Often, what could be a marriage made in heaven is destroyed by the sheer inability to communicate. The most successful relationships are those where both parties have strong verbal and listening skills.
The Problem with Poor Communication
Many relationship problems begin with poor communication. Couples often feel that their partner should know what they are thinking and how they feel so they do not communicate and then wonder why they feel neglected and undervalued.
How many people decide not to tell their partner something just because they don’t know how to say it and then the problem just eats away at the relationship until there is no relationship left. What a waste! Just the ability to share a problem can make what seemed to be an insurmountable issue a tiny little blip on a large horizon.
So whenever you feel stressed or don’t know what to do, don’t just bottle it up. Talk about it, seek advice from a professional and listen to the answer. Don’t stay quiet when you know in your heart there is a problem and it has to be aired. Don’t put off tomorrow what needs to be sorted today. Remember tomorrow never comes!
Think before your speak!
It’s not what you say, but how you say it that could ruin a relationship. The wrong way to share your feelings is when you blurt something out that you know might aggravate or distress your partner. The last thing you want is for them to get defensive, burst into floods of tears, and storm off.
You want the person you are trying to communicate with to be open and perceptive. To achieve this, your timing and approach have to be right.
Each person is different. What works for one person may not work for another. For some people, all you can do is sow the seed and give them time to work it out for themselves.
Each person is an individual. Be patient and understand the right approach for you and your partner. Ensure that you never start a discussion if you don’t have time to finish it. Don’t insist on a debate if one of you is busy, one of you has to rush off to work, deal with the kids, or your partner’s relaxing in front of the TV watching their favorite TV program.
If the timing never seems to be right, ask the question ‘when would it be a good time for us to just sit down and talk?’
Whatever you do, do not let yourself appear agitated either in what you say or how you say it. Body language can just as easily put your partner on the defensive as what you say to them. Even if your partner is vying for a fight, just don’t react. Remember, the first golden rule, approaching defensive with defensive is a sure way to failure.
Become a Good Listener
One of the key ways to improve communication is to develop strong listening skills. Couples often fail to listen to what their partner has to say. They may interrupt them and give the impression that no matter what is said they won’t change their mind.
One way to ensure that you have listened and understand what your partner has said is to repeat back to them what you have heard. This will demonstrate that you have been listening to what they’ve said and by repeating it back to them, you can show that you comprehend and understand.
Couples can resolve conflicts quickly and easily when they take time to listen, understand and repeat back to their partner what was being said.
How to Bounce Back from Communication Challenges in your Marriage or Relationship?
Marriage and relationships come with their own set of challenges. You have two people from different walks of life, different life experiences working on building a life together. When you make your relationship a priority by doing the work, maybe working with a coach who can see your blind spots, then you create a beautiful marriage/relationship that you can be proud of.
When our relationship is in trouble because of poor communication it can cause stress to both partners. A small problem unattended can lead to bigger problems that could put the relationship at risk.
If you feel that your relationship issues are beginning to weigh heavily on your mind, take a break and do something you enjoy preferably with your partner. Refocus your attention on doing things together that you both love, then day-to-day issues will seem smaller and manageable.
Spending quality time together, enjoying each other’s company could enable you and your partner to recapture some of the lost feelings. You can put things into perspective. You can see things more clearly. Instead of fighting each other, you now solve your problems through healthy communication.
Book a Free Coaching Session with a relationship coach if you would like to cultivate better communication in your relationship.
Many of my clients ask ‘is it possible to transform a ‘friends with benefits situationship’ into a loving relationship that feeds your very soul’.
The answer is yes and no. It depends.
All relationships start with attraction, but to take it to the next level you need to have a bond spiritually, mentally, emotionally as well as the obvious physical attraction. If you only have a physical connection then it is easy for this type of relationship to fizzle out leaving one party deeply disappointed.
A lot of people throw themselves into the physical primal electrifying bond because it is fast-moving full of passion maybe matching their fast-paced life, they are attracted to the no-strings attachment style. Unfortunately, most people get burnt in this type of union as the potent energy starts to wear off. So many of my female clients fall in love with the potential of what this union could be, but both parties have to want it and do the work to keep the fire burning.
You may have gone through the negative effects of this one-sided union – the continual roller-coaster ride of endless conflicts and reconciliations that conjures up heated emotions of lust and jealousy, anger, and confusion.
Believe it or not, this type of connection can be transformed into a powerful and satisfying spiritual union, but only if both parties become conscious of how to take that potential energy and transform it into love.
If you’ve found yourself in this type of scenario you’ll know that it is catastrophic to the heart and mind and can leave you in an emotional turmoil that consumes your very soul.
You have to disconnect to reconnect before you can squeeze out the juice from your sizzling connection enjoying the continued passion with your partner at a frequency that is both satisfying and electrifying to the heart, mind, and body without destructive effects. In other words, the energy cannot be contained in just one area, it has to reach all parts of you right up to the soul level. When you are bonded at the soul level the passion continues to flow, if it stops at the physical only the power is not enough without the undying energy of the soul. When you have soul-filled love, you have a chance to attract undying love, without this magnetic energy you’re left with loveless lust and a broken heart.
You may want to step away and refuel your energy resolve the unspoken conflicts, gain insights and build empathy for each other. You will begin to experience a love that is not just a carnal sensual connection but a love that lifts your soul to new heights. You can introduce the transformative power of high-level love to quench that tantalizing desire and indulge in spiritual highs – the underlying soul urge.
Be careful not to be seduced by this primal physical magnetism with its unique connection fuelled primarily by an erotic force. When you experience this rush of lustful desire, those notions are triggered because you are responding to shared hypnotic mind energy or you may have similar tendencies or a mirrored emotional past.
This mutual awareness awakens desire and activates the brain to stimulate biological functions such as hormones and the brain’s own sexual chemicals such as oxytocin. When both parties are enjoying this oxytocin connection then there is a shared experience enjoyed by both. But if one party is there for the dopamine fix and the other for the longevity hormone oxytocin then it may be difficult to move this situation-ship into a lasting relationship.
During orgasm, many elements of a woman’s brain are activated when different parts of her body are aroused. In fact, as many as 30 parts of her brain may be activated including those responsible for emotion, touch, joy, satisfaction, and memory. This can lead to a woman falling in love very easily after sex. In other words, most women are not built for friends with benefits situationships. (There is no judgment here, just science).
It is important for women to be mindful and be selective about who they allow into their ‘sexual headspace.’ Some women who are in a textual situationship find themselves falling in love with someone who really doesn’t exist.
If you are confused about a sexual or textual encounter/liaison feeling more and more confused, not knowing where to turn then find out how to release yourself from this unwanted situationship and transform it into a loving relationship.
This potent energy has the power to transform
Its powerful energy can turn calm into the storm
It’s lust at first sight
That fires up the carnal appetite
This can lead to pain and suffering
If we don’t master its fiery energy
A habitual roller-coaster ride
That can lead to low lows and high, highs
Emotions of lust and jealousy
That turns lovers into enemies
This sizzling chemistry
Creates an intoxicating synergy
Ignite the spark you both share
Arouse not only your body, but your soul too if you dare!
Relationships in the fifth dimension are nurturing, therapeutic, and long-term. Both spirits are evolving. They enable you to bring your best self to the connection, allowing you to be the gift you seek. Your soul family lineage includes your fifth-dimensional companion.
You have a biological family, but you also have a spiritual family that loves and accepts you for who you are. You don’t have to justify yourself, change who you are, or try to fit into someone else’s mould of who they think you should be; it’s a nurturing connection where you let each other be who you are.
There is no need to change yourself, no control, and no soul confinement in the fifth-dimensional connection paradise. This caring setting makes your soul feel at ease.
Relationships in the fifth dimensional vs. the third dimensional
In third-dimensional relationships, the sensation can range from honeymoon bliss to long-term misery. This isn’t because people are cruel; it’s because they haven’t been taught how relationships operate, that they begin on the spiritual plane and come with a wisdom guidebook that explains how to maintain, support, and nurture one another.
Egoic love is third-dimensional love; it’s all about (me) and nothing else (we)
Only the physical aspect of a couple can be seen, which is finite and changeable. Fifth-dimensional souls perceive themselves as powerful spiritual beings who are willing to give their all.
As the ego is self-conscious (not self-aware) and easily offended, ego contact on the third dimension is ephemeral and might go awry. If you and your partner are having problems, you may need to take some time apart to heal. A Relationship Coach or Spiritual Coach can support you in resolving the conflict between the ego and the soul/spirit.
The fifth-dimensional world’s Soul connection is quite different. At the soul level, they’re in sync. Between them, there is a spiritual connection.
They may feel like two bodies sharing one soul, so they are continually thinking about what they can give to their significant other rather than what they can do for themselves. This is referred to be a spiritual connection, in which two people share a common soul experience rather than emotional addiction between two egos hiding behind numerous masks.
Fifth Dimensional Relationships are imaginative, always thinking outside the box, and in command of their human minds. They are completely free to express themselves fully from the soul, as the mind does not come in the way. They are not afraid to speak their truth in love, and since they are connected on a higher frequency, what they say can be received in a way that is both rewarding and nutritious for the soul.
Fifth-dimensional love is all about loving the other as much as you love yourself, but you must first learn to love yourself completely.
Everything else falls into place when you start working from the spiritual realm. You must lay a solid foundation for a loving connection that will last a lifetime. A healthy connection is formed by two complete people.
You’ll stop attracting third-dimensional connections that trigger you and instead start attracting partnerships that enrich your mind, body, and soul. You’ll feel a new intimacy arise between you that you’ve always wanted but never felt in your old third-dimensional relationship structure.
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