Real & Raw Parenthood

I am so honoured, humbled and blessed to have Rebecca Adams as a guest on my blog. Thank you lovely Rebecca for saying yes and writing such an awe-inspiring account of your journey into motherhood and being mum to your two beautiful children – Phoebe and Dominic. Rebecca’s story is so moving, inspiring and so poignant as we celebrate Mothering Sunday this weekend.

Enjoy this thought-provoking blog post by the amazing Rebecca Adams.

Anyone who knows me or watches my Facebook live streams knows that I’m Real & Raw 100% all the time, so I’m going to tell you I absolutely LOVE being a Mum, but there are those days that I actually don’t want to do it either. Namely, after my son has attacked me and that I’m tired of his special needs at times – no, I’m not blaming him in any way shape or form, but as a special needs mum, I do get fed up and tired of it at times.

I’ll take you back in time….. I am Generation X and I was raised by my Mum and Nan, so 2 amazingly wonderful women, who had strict rules in place that couldn’t be broken and disciplined like anything! Then, I joined the military at 16yrs old, so again, lots of discipline and rules.

Everything I have experienced in my life, including the situations, heartbreaks and much more, has moulded me into the parent I am today. Uplevelling my mindset has got me through everything over the years and I’m known for being a strong person and a strict parent, and I do have boundaries in place for both of my children.

When I was growing up, my Mum was always at work, so my Nan looked after me. I remember Mum not being able to come to sports days or parents’ evenings or even picking me up from school. I also have memories of Mum working on certain days, especially Christmas Day so she’d earn more money, so we wouldn’t have our presents or dinner til after 14.30hrs when she got home from work. Growing up with all of this happening was completely different to some of my friends.

I always knew that I wanted to raise any children, if I had any, different to what I’d experienced and especially when my son was diagnosed at 3yrs old with Autism, (and all that goes with it including anxiety, speech and language and much more), so I’ve had to grieve for the son that would have been, should have been and could have been. Difficult to take at times.

I knew with that diagnosis and moving back down south, that I was unemployable and that I’d have to create work for myself. This actually gave me the outlet to be flexible, design my days, start a business and be there whenever my child needed me. So, when my daughter was born, I knew that when my son was at his specialist school, I could take her out and about with me, whilst I worked.

Over the years my parenting skills have improved, with having one child with special needs and one who is mainstream – I see both worlds and what they’re like. My “voice” came from having my son and having to speak up, stand my ground and fight the system for the simplest of things, not only for him but for others in his class etc. The special needs life that I’m living day in and day out has made me tougher, stronger, and much more powerful and I am grateful for that, as I’ve been an advocate for so many.

As a Mum through my experiences, I have a different take on things. My children are not my possession. They are individual souls inside their own human vessel, and they must experience life themselves with no pressure or resistance from me. My job as a parent is to make them as independent as they most possibly can be because I’m not going to be around forever. And, as long as they are happy, they can do what they wish. I respect their wishes above everything, and I am blessed to have them in my life.

The one thing that people don’t know about me, is that I have to stay alive longer than my son is on the planet and that may seem odd to some people and others will understand me. It’s not weird, because the way I see it is that if anything happens to me (as the system is flawed), his sister will take him on, and I don’t really want to give her and her family the enormity of that responsibility.

Our lives are very different as there are certain places we can’t / won’t go to. My son won’t ever live alone, get married, drive a car, and can’t hold a full conversation with you. He doesn’t understand and comprehend stuff so that’s why I have to stay alive longer than him so that I can take care of everything, and he’ll be okay. The massive task he would have to grieve for the loss of me in his life, as I do everything for him, is too big to even comprehend.

As an empath, I truly respect and understand energy. As a Mum to my own children, I know they pick up on everything and so I’m understanding them as individuals, what they’re about, what their triggers are (even as they are 19yrs and 23yrs as I write this) and much more. I respect their space, their answers, their lives and also everything about them.

I must say it’s a truly unique experience as I have different relationships with my children, of which I’m so blessed. My children were outstandingly incredible reading out poems at their grandma’s funeral, listening as I told them that their Dad had died and also with us moving homes as we have over the years.

The one thing I will say is that I am a Mama Bear and protective as anything over my children. They were raised as Army kids and I would walk through fire for them both. They are the apple of my eye and I love them both immensely, with all my heart, mind, body, and soul.