I am so honoured, humbled and blessed to have Rebecca Adams as a guest on my blog. Thank you lovely Rebecca for saying yes and writing such an awe-inspiring account of your journey into motherhood and being mum to your two beautiful children – Phoebe and Dominic. Rebecca’s story is so moving, inspiring and so poignant as we celebrate Mothering Sunday this weekend.
Enjoy this thought-provoking blog post by the amazing Rebecca Adams.
Anyone who knows me or watches my Facebook live streams knows that I’m Real & Raw 100% all the time, so I’m going to tell you I absolutely LOVE being a Mum, but there are those days that I actually don’t want to do it either. Namely, after my son has attacked me and that I’m tired of his special needs at times – no, I’m not blaming him in any way shape or form, but as a special needs mum, I do get fed up and tired of it at times.
I’ll take you back in time….. I am Generation X and I was raised by my Mum and Nan, so 2 amazingly wonderful women, who had strict rules in place that couldn’t be broken and disciplined like anything! Then, I joined the military at 16yrs old, so again, lots of discipline and rules.
Everything I have experienced in my life, including the situations, heartbreaks and much more, has moulded me into the parent I am today. Uplevelling my mindset has got me through everything over the years and I’m known for being a strong person and a strict parent, and I do have boundaries in place for both of my children.
When I was growing up, my Mum was always at work, so my Nan looked after me. I remember Mum not being able to come to sports days or parents’ evenings or even picking me up from school. I also have memories of Mum working on certain days, especially Christmas Day so she’d earn more money, so we wouldn’t have our presents or dinner til after 14.30hrs when she got home from work. Growing up with all of this happening was completely different to some of my friends.
I always knew that I wanted to raise any children, if I had any, different to what I’d experienced and especially when my son was diagnosed at 3yrs old with Autism, (and all that goes with it including anxiety, speech and language and much more), so I’ve had to grieve for the son that would have been, should have been and could have been. Difficult to take at times.
I knew with that diagnosis and moving back down south, that I was unemployable and that I’d have to create work for myself. This actually gave me the outlet to be flexible, design my days, start a business and be there whenever my child needed me. So, when my daughter was born, I knew that when my son was at his specialist school, I could take her out and about with me, whilst I worked.
Over the years my parenting skills have improved, with having one child with special needs and one who is mainstream – I see both worlds and what they’re like. My “voice” came from having my son and having to speak up, stand my ground and fight the system for the simplest of things, not only for him but for others in his class etc. The special needs life that I’m living day in and day out has made me tougher, stronger, and much more powerful and I am grateful for that, as I’ve been an advocate for so many.
As a Mum through my experiences, I have a different take on things. My children are not my possession. They are individual souls inside their own human vessel, and they must experience life themselves with no pressure or resistance from me. My job as a parent is to make them as independent as they most possibly can be because I’m not going to be around forever. And, as long as they are happy, they can do what they wish. I respect their wishes above everything, and I am blessed to have them in my life.
The one thing that people don’t know about me, is that I have to stay alive longer than my son is on the planet and that may seem odd to some people and others will understand me. It’s not weird, because the way I see it is that if anything happens to me (as the system is flawed), his sister will take him on, and I don’t really want to give her and her family the enormity of that responsibility.
Our lives are very different as there are certain places we can’t / won’t go to. My son won’t ever live alone, get married, drive a car, and can’t hold a full conversation with you. He doesn’t understand and comprehend stuff so that’s why I have to stay alive longer than him so that I can take care of everything, and he’ll be okay. The massive task he would have to grieve for the loss of me in his life, as I do everything for him, is too big to even comprehend.
As an empath, I truly respect and understand energy. As a Mum to my own children, I know they pick up on everything and so I’m understanding them as individuals, what they’re about, what their triggers are (even as they are 19yrs and 23yrs as I write this) and much more. I respect their space, their answers, their lives and also everything about them.
I must say it’s a truly unique experience as I have different relationships with my children, of which I’m so blessed. My children were outstandingly incredible reading out poems at their grandma’s funeral, listening as I told them that their Dad had died and also with us moving homes as we have over the years.
The one thing I will say is that I am a Mama Bear and protective as anything over my children. They were raised as Army kids and I would walk through fire for them both. They are the apple of my eye and I love them both immensely, with all my heart, mind, body, and soul.
I’m so blessed and honoured they chose me to be their Mum.
International Life, Business & Mindset Mastery Mentor | ™#1 International Bestselling Author | Law of Attraction Practioner | NLP Practioner | Belief Clearing Practitioner | Entrepreneur & Businesswoman | Motivator & Speaker | Book Publisher | Website Building | Creative Director of the Ignite Live Event
I feel so happy and blessed to welcome Maria Harris to my blog. Thank you lovely Maria for sharing such a beautiful heartfelt story about your journey into motherhood and becoming mum to beautiful little Ruby.
Enjoy this wonderful blog by lovely MARIA HARRIS.
Let me take you back to my teen years. I was told for 13 years I was unable to have kids, and I had always said I wanted two kids when the time was right, so I just held on to the small chance I could possibly have children at some point. I lost both my parents by the time I turned 30, 4-years and 4-days apart. As you can imagine losing both parents and being an only child tore me apart, and I had got to the stage where I really didn’t want to be around anymore and just wanted to be back with my parents as they were my whole world.
While during this really low and vulnerable time period in my life, a year after my mum had passed and on my dad’s 5th Anniversary of Death, I found out I was pregnant. To say it was a massive shock is an understatement.
But I truly believe my daughter was given to me by the universe and my parents looking down on me. Finding this information out changed my entire life and entire outlook on everything. As you will see below on my Journey to Motherhood.
So after finding out I was pregnant, I did whatever I could to get myself back and organised and sorted for my little princess. My pregnancy was thankfully very nice and easy going but I had lots of different things to cope with, deal with and prove during the time I was pregnant. But it was the best thing ever to happen to me as it’s made me the even more strong-willed woman I’ve become today.
On my Road during motherhood I’ve had a lot to deal with and sort and process. There is more information on some of this journey in my chapter in “Smashing Through The Stop Sign of Life” which I wont go into during this blog.
This journey has given me a new lease of light and focus and a realisation that life is still worth living, being grateful for all the memories I have of my childhood growing up with both my parents and then being able to take these skills into now raising my own child. My focus now is always on making sure I can provide for my daughter show her you can achieve anything you want to with hard work, strength, determination and motivation.
By having her in my life, I found a new sense of independence and a new goal for my life. She truly has made me become myself again and a lot more as well. I’ll be forever grateful to have her, and she is now my only focus and making sure she grows up safe, with a roof over her head and some true values in life.
When I got my focus back and realised I can achieve anything and seeing how my old surroundings were affecting her and also myself feeling trapped, I made the huge decision to up and relocate away to give her a better lease of life and also allow me to restart my journey in life to becoming the newer version of myself that I had envisioned in becoming. So in December 2020, I relocated with my daughter set up a new family home and also a brand new business that I had been putting off for 3 years.
Once we were moved in and all sorted, I can honestly say my daughter is a lot happier, getting on a lot in school; our relationship has grown even stronger as now I’m home and not out at work, and she was with my housemate.
It’s also teaching her that you achieve anything in fact even at 4-years old she wants to try and be involved in mummy’s business, and only last weekend she asked me “mummy can I work from home when I’m older” to my surprise as she’s only four, but my reply quite simply put “you can be and do anything you like, and that includes working from home”. That one sentence from my 4-year-old says it all. I’m showing her that you can do anything, and I can still be a mum and work from home, and I can still take time to go outside and still work as well.
If I can say anything to mums out there, be it a single parent or a 2-parent family, you can be a brilliant mum and run your own business, and your children will remember you working hard and teaching them anything is possible. Don’t sit on the fence; just go for it and become a happier you in finding a great way to balance your life.
Thank you to Imani for asking me to do a blog for her; I truly appreciate it. Keep being the strong woman you are as well.
Many Thanks Always remember you are stronger than you believe Maria
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“Wherever you are, and whatever you do, be in love.”
Has the passion and magic left your relationship?
Are you finding it challenging to communicate with your partner?
Do you feel like strangers with very little interaction?
Are you wondering whether you should stay or go?
If you are experiencing any of these issues in your relationship – keep reading!
In this article, you will discover the secret to how one couple used five juicy love tips to turn their relationship around and enjoyed more love than ever before.
Be creative find different ways to express your love for your partner
Saying “I Love You” to your partner is sweet, but there are many other ways to show love and keep the fire burning in your relationship.
After the honeymoon phase is over, many people complain that their partner is no longer motivated to do what it takes to show love and keep the passion alive.
So how do you get back that deep passion that leaves you trembling with desire for your significant other?
Celia and Jason’s story
Celia and Jason had been seeing each other for about two years and felt their relationship had run its course. They argued all the time and were spending less quality time together.
They both had busy lives with numerous responsibilities that kept them away from each other most of the week. Most weeks, they were not even spending the weekends together. Celia felt lonely and unloved. Jason felt that Celia had changed.
They both decided to split up and go their separate ways, as they felt that they had gone as far as they could and that the relationship had no future.
Celia had contacted a dating coach about her relationship issues with Jason. Her coach advised her to take time out to have some me-time before making any new decisions. Celia decided to go to a spa for a few days.
Celia really needed the break; she slept through most of day one. She worked very hard on that big project at work and now needed this break to recuperate. Celia really wanted that promotion and felt that her hard work merited it.
She knew that she had made many sacrifices that had contributed to the breakup. Jason had also put the relationship last on his list as he spent every waking minute working on his business. They had spoken about moving in together, but they never got round to it.
As Celia relaxed in the jacuzzi spa, she realised what she had been missing. She and Jason had not spent any quality time together in ages. In the past, they would eat out at restaurants; go on short trips away together. They had an active dating life. Every Saturday was scheduled for something to do so that they could be together.
Away from it all, Celia could see clearly what had happened and why they had drifted apart. As she looked through her phone messages, she thought to herself, ‘these texts are so loveless and boring they could be for anyone; there was no love heart emojis, just two or three-word boring messages.’ In contrast, they would carefully craft flirty little seductive texts that tickled the mind and revved up the heart during the early days of their relationship.
Celia thought to herself, ‘well, that was the past; I have to learn from this and be more present in my next relationship. But she didn’t want another relationship, but neither did she want the dull, distant relationship she had just left. Celia still had feelings for Jason. She wanted to be with him, but the relationship would have to change. Settling was not an option for her. She also knew that a quality relationship required work.
It was the last evening of Celia’s spa getaway. Her Coach, Amanda, had advised her to write daily in her journal about her feelings, thoughts, and anything she felt would help her through the grieving process.
Celia wrote a love letter to Jason (that she would never send). She poured out her feelings onto two sheets of paper, and when she read it back, tears fell down her cheeks. Jason was the love of her life, and now he’s gone. They had done this to each other, she was too busy chasing her career, and he was still pursuing his business.
Celia Returns Home – Determined to Live a More Balanced Life
It was time to head back home. Celia boarded her plane and reflected on everything that had happened. She felt at ease. She did not know what the future held but was determined to live a more balanced life.
Six months later……
Celia and Jason decided to get back together. Jason had contacted Celia to let her know that he was missing her and wanted to give it another go. They both went for couples coaching and decided to put their relationship first. The sparkle that was missing in their relationship returned. They were more in love than ever before.
They had followed the advice that their Coach Amanda had given them, and it made all the difference to their relationship.
Here are the five steps they took to show love and turn a dull, ordinary relationship into an extraordinary one.
1. Communication
(a) Reflective Communication and Conflict Resolution
Jason and Celia took time to send well thought out texts that dazzled the mind, body and soul. They were left daydreaming about each other all day. These texts were alluring and seductive, bringing out the temptress in her and the seducer in him.
This is something that anybody can do to stir up the emotions in the one that they love. You don’t have to think hard about what to say; just share your true feelings and throw in a few spicy words that ignite and excite the soul, and your partner will love you even more.
(b) How to communicate when you are away from each other
Celia and Jason also practised reflective communication. In the past, Celia and Jason would talk over each other or ignore each other’s words. Sometimes they would even leave the room if they did not like what they heard. This caused a lot of pain and resentment and created distance between them.
Today Celia and Jason listen to each other, ready to learn and understand. Allowing the other person to speak fully before responding. They now repeat back to each other what the other said. (This one tip alone has helped Celia and Jason grow closer, enhancing their love for each other).
2. Quality Time Together – (Sacred Date Night or Time Away Together)
Celia and Jason decided that they were ready to move in together. They could now spend more quality time together enjoying each other’s company.
Remember, the couple that spends time together grows in love together.
(a) Sacred Date Night
Another way Celia and Jason grew and shared love was to take time out for dating; sometimes, they go out, other times, they enjoy a romantic evening indoors.
They understand that their time together is sacred, just the two of them and no one else. No friends or family, no work or business discussions. Both phones put on ‘don’t disturb mode.’
It’s exciting for them to go and paint the town dressed in their favourite Gladrags, or just dress casually and enjoy time in nature. They understand that this time needs to be scheduled; otherwise, it will get swept up with all their other ‘urgencies’ in life.
3. Love Language
Words of affirmation,
Quality time,
Receiving gifts,
Acts of service, and
Physical touch
One of Amanda’s tips to Celia and Jason was to find out each of their love languages.
Celia and Jason loved all 5 love languages but were drawn to one more than any other. Celia loved quality time, and Jason loved words of affirmation.
4. Love Letters
Celia suggested this tip. She felt that it really helped the person writing the letter remember all the beautiful things they love about the other. Whilst it touched the soul of the recipient. Jason was not sure about letter-writing at first but found that it brought out the best in Celia, and now he looks forward to writing messages from his heart to hers.
Why not write love letters and poems for your significant other
Why not leave a love note for your loved one? (This can be posted in the bathroom or kitchen before leaving for work).
You could also leave a beautiful love poem under their pillow (that they could discover before bedtime or first thing in the morning. Or
Send a handwritten love letter to their work address.
Like love-texting, this is something that anybody can do to stir up the emotions in the one that they love. You don’t have to think hard about what to say; just share your true feelings and throw in a few spicy words that ignite and excite the soul, and your partner will love you even more.
5. Relationship Goals – Shared Vision
Celia and Jason struggled with getting closer because they did not have shared plans and a vision for the future. They spent a lot of time on their business and career goals but did not plan what they wanted as a couple.
When you include each other in your dreams and future, your partner will be more willing to invest in the relationship because there is a tangible asset that you both are invested in.
What benefits will you gain when you apply these five relationship tools?
You don’t have to change everything all at once. Try one at a time and build on your success.
Applying any one of these powerful relationship tools will spice up your love life. However, when you use all five, your love for each other will explode, and your relationship will become something you cherish and are proud of for many years to come.
When couples are told that they need to communicate more they often think that it is an open invitation to talk but there is a complete difference between talking and communicating.
What Does healthy Communication look like?
Communication is the art of combining the ability to express your opinions and feelings in such a way as to ensure that the person or people you are talking to understand what you are trying to say with the ability to listen and understand the other person’s viewpoint.
Over the years it’s amazing the number of times people are provided with information that, if acted upon, could positively impact their relationship. But, because of the sheer lack of people’s ability to listen to and think through another person’s point of view, unique opportunities pass them by.
Relationships are no different to the work environment other than there are, usually, just two of you. Often, what could be a marriage made in heaven is destroyed by the sheer inability to communicate. The most successful relationships are those where both parties have strong verbal and listening skills.
The Problem with Poor Communication
Many relationship problems begin with poor communication. Couples often feel that their partner should know what they are thinking and how they feel so they do not communicate and then wonder why they feel neglected and undervalued.
How many people decide not to tell their partner something just because they don’t know how to say it and then the problem just eats away at the relationship until there is no relationship left. What a waste! Just the ability to share a problem can make what seemed to be an insurmountable issue a tiny little blip on a large horizon.
So whenever you feel stressed or don’t know what to do, don’t just bottle it up. Talk about it, seek advice from a professional and listen to the answer. Don’t stay quiet when you know in your heart there is a problem and it has to be aired. Don’t put off tomorrow what needs to be sorted today. Remember tomorrow never comes!
Think before your speak!
It’s not what you say, but how you say it that could ruin a relationship. The wrong way to share your feelings is when you blurt something out that you know might aggravate or distress your partner. The last thing you want is for them to get defensive, burst into floods of tears, and storm off.
You want the person you are trying to communicate with to be open and perceptive. To achieve this, your timing and approach have to be right.
Each person is different. What works for one person may not work for another. For some people, all you can do is sow the seed and give them time to work it out for themselves.
Each person is an individual. Be patient and understand the right approach for you and your partner. Ensure that you never start a discussion if you don’t have time to finish it. Don’t insist on a debate if one of you is busy, one of you has to rush off to work, deal with the kids, or your partner’s relaxing in front of the TV watching their favorite TV program.
If the timing never seems to be right, ask the question ‘when would it be a good time for us to just sit down and talk?’
Whatever you do, do not let yourself appear agitated either in what you say or how you say it. Body language can just as easily put your partner on the defensive as what you say to them. Even if your partner is vying for a fight, just don’t react. Remember, the first golden rule, approaching defensive with defensive is a sure way to failure.
Become a Good Listener
One of the key ways to improve communication is to develop strong listening skills. Couples often fail to listen to what their partner has to say. They may interrupt them and give the impression that no matter what is said they won’t change their mind.
One way to ensure that you have listened and understand what your partner has said is to repeat back to them what you have heard. This will demonstrate that you have been listening to what they’ve said and by repeating it back to them, you can show that you comprehend and understand.
Couples can resolve conflicts quickly and easily when they take time to listen, understand and repeat back to their partner what was being said.
How to Bounce Back from Communication Challenges in your Marriage or Relationship?
Marriage and relationships come with their own set of challenges. You have two people from different walks of life, different life experiences working on building a life together. When you make your relationship a priority by doing the work, maybe working with a coach who can see your blind spots, then you create a beautiful marriage/relationship that you can be proud of.
When our relationship is in trouble because of poor communication it can cause stress to both partners. A small problem unattended can lead to bigger problems that could put the relationship at risk.
If you feel that your relationship issues are beginning to weigh heavily on your mind, take a break and do something you enjoy preferably with your partner. Refocus your attention on doing things together that you both love, then day-to-day issues will seem smaller and manageable.
Spending quality time together, enjoying each other’s company could enable you and your partner to recapture some of the lost feelings. You can put things into perspective. You can see things more clearly. Instead of fighting each other, you now solve your problems through healthy communication.
Book a Free Coaching Session with a relationship coach if you would like to cultivate better communication in your relationship.
Your ability to love yourself creates a blueprint for all other relationships. Your love blueprint is a printout of all your thoughts, experiences, memories, beliefs, desires, and fears; this is also known as your energy field or Aura.
Your energy field is your personal space; people will gravitate towards you or be repelled by you. Every experience you’ve ever had will be contained in your Energy field. This is the energy that spiritual healers can interpret for you when you go to them for a reading.
To transform your relationships and experience love, you must travel to the inner realms inside you.
The Chakras System
There are 7 different levels to our energy field which contain information about every dimension of our lives.
The Chakra System
1.The base/root Chakra – (Red)
Survival, instincts, and stable foundation.
2.Splenic/Sacral Chakra – (Orange)
Intimacy and pleasure.
3.Solar Plexus Chakra (Yellow)
Personal power, self-esteem, transformation
4.Heart Chakra (Green)
Love for oneself and others, compassion, empathy, and forgiveness
5.Throat Chakra (Blue)
Communication, self-expression, the ability to speak your personal truth
6.Third Eye Chakra (Indigo)
Perception, awareness, and spiritual communication deepen your spiritual connection
7.Crown Chakra (Violet)
Spiritual connection and transformation, connecting you to the divine, awareness that you are a soul connected to a human body.
The Chakras all lead to our aura and provide information on different areas of our lives:-
∙ Physical health
∙ Sexuality
∙ Subconscious fears
∙ Happy memories
∙ Inspirations
∙ Beliefs
∙ Emotions
So when you meet someone new, all this information is there floating around; if you can quiet the mind and tune in, you may find that you will discover things about them.
Our thoughts are magnetic and reside in our energy field; they affect you and everyone around you.
How does the mind affect you and your significant other?
When you are in a relationship, you will connect to your partner via energy frequencies known as your thoughts and emotions. The partner you attract and the love you experience will always match your most dominant thoughts, emotional feelings, and beliefs about yourself.
When two people come together, they are like two universes, either in conflict or in harmony with each other.
Your thoughts and emotions are energetic forces that will impact your relationship and determine your ability to give and receive love.
You and your partner may have excess relationship baggage from the past. You may have encountered traumatic life experiences have opposing thoughts and beliefs. You may trigger each other emotionally, creating a toxic relationship.
Clear your energy field before embarking on a new relationship. Have positive thoughts about what you want. When you have reconciled and healed your past; and have stable emotions, you will attract someone who matches your vibration.
To get the most out of your personal power, you have to keep it clean. Working with a psychic or spiritual counsellor/coach can help you release the excess toxicity.
THE WORLD WITHIN
Remember that everything starts with you. You have an inner world with a hidden realm that only you can access. Your inner world is where all your thoughts, emotions, beliefs reside, and they affect every area of your life.
If you want an attractive love life, you have to have an attractive mind, which will be magnetic, bringing you the love you desire.
Be careful what you are downloading and storing about love and relationships in your mind.
Whatever you focus on most of the time will become part of your life. You do not attract what you want; you attract more of what you already have and who you are.
The mind is habit-forming, so change your cognitive thinking, attract more love by loving yourself first, and love will find you.
Love is all in the mind
Love begins with YOU, you’ll find
You will find that special one
When you are open they will come
They will only appear
When you no longer court fear
Attracting your soul mate
Is more than going on a couple of dates
You have to feel good about you
And teach them how to treat you
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