I feel so excited and blessed to bring you the third of lovely Rebecca Adam’s guest blog articles on the topic of love and relationship.
I see relationships as being all about respect, appreciation, and love (in that order). Together with ease and flow, alignment, great energy in each other’s company and both parties giving 100% each (not the typical 50/50 society has led us to believe).
I have a different take on relationships, having grown up being in a single-parent family and one father figure I had from the age of 4yrs – to 9yrs, was toxic, violent, and not good, shall we say. So, I’ve been raised by 2 powerhouse women (my Mum and Nan), who raised me in the knowing that respect comes before absolutely everything and that’s why it’s first on my list above, and always will be.
In love relationships, these qualities are most definitely needed as they are very powerful and will support the foundations of building that relationship. Everything is about to give and take but it’s also about being true to you, being a voice and being heard and knowing that any boundaries you may set, are respected.
I do believe you can fully give your heart to another person, but you do have to be a “whole” person and healed from any previous experience you may have had so that you can fully submerse into the new relationship you’re wanting to have.
I have been hurt and betrayed in the past, so to me, relationships are supposed to be easy – without the negative drama and BS. Yes, there may be things that come up that you must discuss but the relationship, as a whole, shouldn’t be strained and “hard” at all. This makes having fun in the relationship all the better.
The alignment and being on the same page as the other person is truly important too so that you can both grow and expand and encourage each other in life and business or work. Discussing each other’s upbringing and also the future would be great at the beginning, so you can respect each other’s upbringing and way of thinking, but you also need to be open to change and growth as both parties will change over the years of being together.
Communication is key to any relationship and also mindset, especially money mindset needs discussing so that both parties can uplevel their mindset on aspects that can make or break their relationship. Money is a big thing that a lot of people break up over and have arguments about so working on this is crucial for longevity.
For me, as an empath, introvert and Aquarius, I need my alone time in order to charge up and protect my energy so respecting space in a relationship would be a good thing too. I think a lot of couples have issues when they’re with each 24/7/365, (in each other’s pockets), and don’t allow themselves time-out to spend with friends, work colleagues and family without the other person.
You need to give each other space so that you have more things to talk about and also to add value to the relationship. When choosing someone you’re not choosing them for a day or a week – you’re choosing them to do life with and that’s a wonderful and great thing.
I would say – get to know yourself first, respect yourself and don’t lower your boundaries for anyone (and no, that doesn’t mean you’re high-maintenance), it means that there are certain standards you won’t go below and that’s a good thing.
Know that you are worthy, enough, and powerful all by yourself and you do NOT need another person to complete you.
Be you, no matter who you’re with and go out there and enjoy life. Make sure the person you’re with is your friend, smile, laugh, have fun, and make memories.
“Wherever you are, and whatever you do, be in love.”
Has the passion and magic left your relationship?
Are you finding it challenging to communicate with your partner?
Do you feel like strangers with very little interaction?
Are you wondering whether you should stay or go?
If you are experiencing any of these issues in your relationship – keep reading!
In this article, you will discover the secret to how one couple used five juicy love tips to turn their relationship around and enjoyed more love than ever before.
Be creative find different ways to express your love for your partner
Saying “I Love You” to your partner is sweet, but there are many other ways to show love and keep the fire burning in your relationship.
After the honeymoon phase is over, many people complain that their partner is no longer motivated to do what it takes to show love and keep the passion alive.
So how do you get back that deep passion that leaves you trembling with desire for your significant other?
Celia and Jason’s story
Celia and Jason had been seeing each other for about two years and felt their relationship had run its course. They argued all the time and were spending less quality time together.
They both had busy lives with numerous responsibilities that kept them away from each other most of the week. Most weeks, they were not even spending the weekends together. Celia felt lonely and unloved. Jason felt that Celia had changed.
They both decided to split up and go their separate ways, as they felt that they had gone as far as they could and that the relationship had no future.
Celia had contacted a dating coach about her relationship issues with Jason. Her coach advised her to take time out to have some me-time before making any new decisions. Celia decided to go to a spa for a few days.
Celia really needed the break; she slept through most of day one. She worked very hard on that big project at work and now needed this break to recuperate. Celia really wanted that promotion and felt that her hard work merited it.
She knew that she had made many sacrifices that had contributed to the breakup. Jason had also put the relationship last on his list as he spent every waking minute working on his business. They had spoken about moving in together, but they never got round to it.
As Celia relaxed in the jacuzzi spa, she realised what she had been missing. She and Jason had not spent any quality time together in ages. In the past, they would eat out at restaurants; go on short trips away together. They had an active dating life. Every Saturday was scheduled for something to do so that they could be together.
Away from it all, Celia could see clearly what had happened and why they had drifted apart. As she looked through her phone messages, she thought to herself, ‘these texts are so loveless and boring they could be for anyone; there was no love heart emojis, just two or three-word boring messages.’ In contrast, they would carefully craft flirty little seductive texts that tickled the mind and revved up the heart during the early days of their relationship.
Celia thought to herself, ‘well, that was the past; I have to learn from this and be more present in my next relationship. But she didn’t want another relationship, but neither did she want the dull, distant relationship she had just left. Celia still had feelings for Jason. She wanted to be with him, but the relationship would have to change. Settling was not an option for her. She also knew that a quality relationship required work.
It was the last evening of Celia’s spa getaway. Her Coach, Amanda, had advised her to write daily in her journal about her feelings, thoughts, and anything she felt would help her through the grieving process.
Celia wrote a love letter to Jason (that she would never send). She poured out her feelings onto two sheets of paper, and when she read it back, tears fell down her cheeks. Jason was the love of her life, and now he’s gone. They had done this to each other, she was too busy chasing her career, and he was still pursuing his business.
Celia Returns Home – Determined to Live a More Balanced Life
It was time to head back home. Celia boarded her plane and reflected on everything that had happened. She felt at ease. She did not know what the future held but was determined to live a more balanced life.
Six months later……
Celia and Jason decided to get back together. Jason had contacted Celia to let her know that he was missing her and wanted to give it another go. They both went for couples coaching and decided to put their relationship first. The sparkle that was missing in their relationship returned. They were more in love than ever before.
They had followed the advice that their Coach Amanda had given them, and it made all the difference to their relationship.
Here are the five steps they took to show love and turn a dull, ordinary relationship into an extraordinary one.
1. Communication
(a) Reflective Communication and Conflict Resolution
Jason and Celia took time to send well thought out texts that dazzled the mind, body and soul. They were left daydreaming about each other all day. These texts were alluring and seductive, bringing out the temptress in her and the seducer in him.
This is something that anybody can do to stir up the emotions in the one that they love. You don’t have to think hard about what to say; just share your true feelings and throw in a few spicy words that ignite and excite the soul, and your partner will love you even more.
(b) How to communicate when you are away from each other
Celia and Jason also practised reflective communication. In the past, Celia and Jason would talk over each other or ignore each other’s words. Sometimes they would even leave the room if they did not like what they heard. This caused a lot of pain and resentment and created distance between them.
Today Celia and Jason listen to each other, ready to learn and understand. Allowing the other person to speak fully before responding. They now repeat back to each other what the other said. (This one tip alone has helped Celia and Jason grow closer, enhancing their love for each other).
2. Quality Time Together – (Sacred Date Night or Time Away Together)
Celia and Jason decided that they were ready to move in together. They could now spend more quality time together enjoying each other’s company.
Remember, the couple that spends time together grows in love together.
(a) Sacred Date Night
Another way Celia and Jason grew and shared love was to take time out for dating; sometimes, they go out, other times, they enjoy a romantic evening indoors.
They understand that their time together is sacred, just the two of them and no one else. No friends or family, no work or business discussions. Both phones put on ‘don’t disturb mode.’
It’s exciting for them to go and paint the town dressed in their favourite Gladrags, or just dress casually and enjoy time in nature. They understand that this time needs to be scheduled; otherwise, it will get swept up with all their other ‘urgencies’ in life.
3. Love Language
Words of affirmation,
Quality time,
Receiving gifts,
Acts of service, and
Physical touch
One of Amanda’s tips to Celia and Jason was to find out each of their love languages.
Celia and Jason loved all 5 love languages but were drawn to one more than any other. Celia loved quality time, and Jason loved words of affirmation.
4. Love Letters
Celia suggested this tip. She felt that it really helped the person writing the letter remember all the beautiful things they love about the other. Whilst it touched the soul of the recipient. Jason was not sure about letter-writing at first but found that it brought out the best in Celia, and now he looks forward to writing messages from his heart to hers.
Why not write love letters and poems for your significant other
Why not leave a love note for your loved one? (This can be posted in the bathroom or kitchen before leaving for work).
You could also leave a beautiful love poem under their pillow (that they could discover before bedtime or first thing in the morning. Or
Send a handwritten love letter to their work address.
Like love-texting, this is something that anybody can do to stir up the emotions in the one that they love. You don’t have to think hard about what to say; just share your true feelings and throw in a few spicy words that ignite and excite the soul, and your partner will love you even more.
5. Relationship Goals – Shared Vision
Celia and Jason struggled with getting closer because they did not have shared plans and a vision for the future. They spent a lot of time on their business and career goals but did not plan what they wanted as a couple.
When you include each other in your dreams and future, your partner will be more willing to invest in the relationship because there is a tangible asset that you both are invested in.
What benefits will you gain when you apply these five relationship tools?
You don’t have to change everything all at once. Try one at a time and build on your success.
Applying any one of these powerful relationship tools will spice up your love life. However, when you use all five, your love for each other will explode, and your relationship will become something you cherish and are proud of for many years to come.
Many of my clients ask ‘is it possible to transform a ‘friends with benefits situationship’ into a loving relationship that feeds your very soul’.
The answer is yes and no. It depends.
All relationships start with attraction, but to take it to the next level you need to have a bond spiritually, mentally, emotionally as well as the obvious physical attraction. If you only have a physical connection then it is easy for this type of relationship to fizzle out leaving one party deeply disappointed.
A lot of people throw themselves into the physical primal electrifying bond because it is fast-moving full of passion maybe matching their fast-paced life, they are attracted to the no-strings attachment style. Unfortunately, most people get burnt in this type of union as the potent energy starts to wear off. So many of my female clients fall in love with the potential of what this union could be, but both parties have to want it and do the work to keep the fire burning.
You may have gone through the negative effects of this one-sided union – the continual roller-coaster ride of endless conflicts and reconciliations that conjures up heated emotions of lust and jealousy, anger, and confusion.
Believe it or not, this type of connection can be transformed into a powerful and satisfying spiritual union, but only if both parties become conscious of how to take that potential energy and transform it into love.
If you’ve found yourself in this type of scenario you’ll know that it is catastrophic to the heart and mind and can leave you in an emotional turmoil that consumes your very soul.
You have to disconnect to reconnect before you can squeeze out the juice from your sizzling connection enjoying the continued passion with your partner at a frequency that is both satisfying and electrifying to the heart, mind, and body without destructive effects. In other words, the energy cannot be contained in just one area, it has to reach all parts of you right up to the soul level. When you are bonded at the soul level the passion continues to flow, if it stops at the physical only the power is not enough without the undying energy of the soul. When you have soul-filled love, you have a chance to attract undying love, without this magnetic energy you’re left with loveless lust and a broken heart.
You may want to step away and refuel your energy resolve the unspoken conflicts, gain insights and build empathy for each other. You will begin to experience a love that is not just a carnal sensual connection but a love that lifts your soul to new heights. You can introduce the transformative power of high-level love to quench that tantalizing desire and indulge in spiritual highs – the underlying soul urge.
Be careful not to be seduced by this primal physical magnetism with its unique connection fuelled primarily by an erotic force. When you experience this rush of lustful desire, those notions are triggered because you are responding to shared hypnotic mind energy or you may have similar tendencies or a mirrored emotional past.
This mutual awareness awakens desire and activates the brain to stimulate biological functions such as hormones and the brain’s own sexual chemicals such as oxytocin. When both parties are enjoying this oxytocin connection then there is a shared experience enjoyed by both. But if one party is there for the dopamine fix and the other for the longevity hormone oxytocin then it may be difficult to move this situation-ship into a lasting relationship.
During orgasm, many elements of a woman’s brain are activated when different parts of her body are aroused. In fact, as many as 30 parts of her brain may be activated including those responsible for emotion, touch, joy, satisfaction, and memory. This can lead to a woman falling in love very easily after sex. In other words, most women are not built for friends with benefits situationships. (There is no judgment here, just science).
It is important for women to be mindful and be selective about who they allow into their ‘sexual headspace.’ Some women who are in a textual situationship find themselves falling in love with someone who really doesn’t exist.
If you are confused about a sexual or textual encounter/liaison feeling more and more confused, not knowing where to turn then find out how to release yourself from this unwanted situationship and transform it into a loving relationship.
This potent energy has the power to transform
Its powerful energy can turn calm into the storm
It’s lust at first sight
That fires up the carnal appetite
This can lead to pain and suffering
If we don’t master its fiery energy
A habitual roller-coaster ride
That can lead to low lows and high, highs
Emotions of lust and jealousy
That turns lovers into enemies
This sizzling chemistry
Creates an intoxicating synergy
Ignite the spark you both share
Arouse not only your body, but your soul too if you dare!
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